I’m not really big on specific New Years resolutions – I think that when you create discrete, specific goals, it’s more likely that you won’t achieve them, and that your sense of failure will prevent you from simply getting as far along toward them as you can. With that in mind, my resolutions are usually fairly vague and general, but I still think they’re worth writing about and noting. So, here you go:
Continue to get better at rugby.
I’d like to get to a point where I know the game solidly enough to know where I should be on the field at any given time. I’d like to get better at tackling opposing players that are on the run, and possibly learn some of the forward positions. I’d like to get into good enough shape that I’m not exhausted half an hour into play and not getting injured so easily. Maybe start learning how to be scrum half? Along these lines, I’d like to maybe have some rugby-watching parties at my house throughout the year with my fellow Flamingos, once I get a projector up and running.
Get back into reenacting.
Over the last few years, I’ve only attended a couple events a year, and was purely a photographer, rather than a participant, at most of those. Now that I’ve had top surgery and gotten in shape, I need to make most of a new wardrobe, which is frustrating but simultaneously offers me the opportunity to consider what I actually want to portray within the hobby, and the nature of my participation. I don’t think I’ll ever go back to the level of involvement that I had 5-6 years ago, but I’d like to do a handful of good quality events each year.
Be more realistic about what I can offer.
I have a really bad habit of over-promising. I’m always capable of everything I promise, but maybe not at that given time, or in the timeframe that is needed. I’m a people-pleaser, so I have a tendency to say “yes” to all requests made of me, whether my plate is already full or not. I need to learn how to politely decline, and to give more realistic timelines when I do accept. This goes both for my work at the office and for my social life as well.
Make better use of my mornings.
Generally if I oversleep and don’t get up in time to make it to the gym, I just give up, sleep in and go into work around 10am. Instead, I really should get up and go for a short run, even if it’s only half an hour. Or sit in the hot tub for 20 minutes. Or do some yoga. Or read. Or something other than sleep or surf Facebook. I do walk 3 miles to work in the morning and 3 miles back again in the evening, but that should be my bare minimum of exertion for the day. Laying in bed on Facebook and Twitter does nothing but scatter my thoughts, when I should be using the morning to gather them.
Continue to give no fucks.
This has always been a strength of mine, but I’ve really embraced it much more fully in the past year. I’ve always had a strong sense of self, but was sometimes afraid of expressing it. The further I’ve gotten in my transition, the more comfortable I’ve been with pulling back the curtain more and more, and I’d like to see that continue as the undercurrent of my life choices and decisions.
Be a good partner without losing myself.
I’ve welcomed love back into my life over the last year, which has resulted in some really pleasant surprises. I’ve made some great connections with people, and late in the year finally found myself with a boyfriend, Richard, who has brought me a lot of joy. But, I have a tendency to twist and reshape myself into someone that I think my partner will like more. Thankfully, Richard seems to very much enjoy who I am, so I’m not as concerned about it this time around, but it’s something that I want to keep under a watchful eye. I’ve done a great job in the past year or two at more fully embracing who I am, and I want to keep it that way.
Re-assess my closet and personal fashion.
Mostly thanks to rugby, I have lost so much weight in the past year (I’ve gone from a size 38 waist to a size 30, and from a size large shirt to an extra small) that I find myself needing almost an entirely new wardrobe. Ultimately, this is a good thing, as many of my clothes were acquired before I’d had top surgery, and so they were generally aimed at hiding my shape and making myself unremarkable and unnoticed, which is kind of the opposite of what my actual personal style is. So, I’m now using some of the extra money I have these days to help rebuild my clothing collection, and to do so much more purposefully this time around. I’ll talk a little bit more about the rules I’ve given myself for this process in another post.
So, there you go: these are going to be a guide for my priorities this year.